Why the Heart Alone Isn’t Enough – The Science Behind Sacred Love
In a world saturated with images of perfect couples, picture-perfect kisses, and happily-ever-afters curated for likes and reels, it’s easy to confuse chemistry with connection. Movies, pop songs, and social media tell us that love is all about attraction and intensity—about the spark, the chase, the passionate pull between two people destined for one another. But what happens after the spark fades? What sustains a relationship after the music dims and the camera stops rolling?
That question is more urgent than ever. In a time when almost one-third of American marriages end in divorce, many are searching for something deeper—something more enduring than a swipe right or a fleeting romance. Beneath the rising popularity of “situationships,” open-ended dating, and casual intimacy, there’s a quiet yearning for real connection—one rooted not only in mutual attraction but in shared purpose, deep values, and something many are surprised to rediscover: spirituality.
And it appears that science agrees.
Over the past two decades, research has highlighted a powerful insight: couples who view their relationships as sacred—imbued with spiritual meaning—tend to have stronger communication, greater commitment, and higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Spirituality, far from being outdated or dogmatic, may indeed be the most enduring foundation a relationship can have.
More Than Romance: Why Modern Love Feels So Fragile
Dating in the 21st century looks drastically different from how it did just a generation ago. Cultural norms surrounding commitment, intimacy, and marriage have shifted rapidly. In many ways, we now enjoy more freedom and face fewer expectations. However, that freedom can come at a cost.
A 2020 Pew Research Center report found that nearly half of U.S. adults believe dating today is harder than it used to be. While technology has brought us closer in some ways, it has also created a paradox: more options but less clarity. The rise of situationships—those relationships suspended somewhere between friends with benefits and exclusive partners—has become emblematic of our times. Tinder’s own data in 2022 showed a 49% increase in users identifying their relationship status with that very term.
Culturally, we’ve normalized transient romance, casual intimacy, and commitment-avoidant dynamics. For some, this offers liberation from outdated constraints; for others, it breeds confusion, loneliness, and emotional fatigue. Surveys show that 60–80% of North American college students have engaged in casual sexual encounters, yet many admit they were hoping those encounters would become something more.
We’ve mistaken passion for permanence. However, both science and experience indicate that what sustains love is something much deeper: shared values, mutual purpose, and a spiritual foundation.
The Spiritual Architecture of Love
At the heart of enduring relationships lies a principle that is as old as humanity itself: sacred love.
Spiritual love is more than affection or desire; it’s unconditional, selfless, and transcendent. It flows from a connection to something greater, often described as divine, universal, or simply soulful. This kind of love is rooted in compassion, harmony, and the unshakable desire to support the well-being of another. When this love forms the foundation of a romantic relationship, it becomes more resilient, more nourishing, and more real.
David Dollahite, a professor of family life at Brigham Young University and a leading scholar in the science of spiritual relationships, has spent decades studying couples who view their marriage as sacred. His research consistently shows that those who believe their union is rooted in divine purpose—whether in religious practice or simply a shared sense of spiritual meaning—experience stronger emotional bonds and greater resilience during challenging times.
When individuals first build a spiritual relationship with something greater—be it God, nature, or a deep inner sense of purpose—they become more whole. They no longer seek a partner to complete them but to grow with them. This sense of wholeness reduces the temptation to enter relationships from a place of need, desperation, or confusion. Instead, it creates space for love to flourish from a place of abundance.
Sanctified Partnerships: Science Meets Soul
The concept of sanctification—viewing one’s relationship as having divine significance—has been shown to transform how couples relate to one another. Krystal Hernandez-Kane, a psychologist with a doctorate in clinical psychology, studies the intersection of spirituality and intimacy. She has found that sanctified relationships are more likely to be protected, nurtured, and invested in over time.
Why? Because when partners view their bond as sacred, they become more intentional. They listen more closely, forgive more readily, and remain committed even when life challenges them. It’s not about perfection—it’s about reverence. Love becomes something holy, not disposable.
In her study of newlyweds, Hernandez-Kane discovered that couples who entered marriage with a sanctified view experienced greater marital satisfaction and intimacy just one year later. Other research indicates that spiritual intimacy is linked to lower divorce rates, higher emotional connection, and even improved physical health outcomes—proving once again that love, when rooted in spiritual meaning, nourishes more than just the heart.
The Power of Second Chances and Spiritual Refinement
For many, the path to spiritual partnership is not linear. It often begins with heartbreak.
The American Families of Faith Project, co-directed by Dollahite, conducted interviews with over 300 couples across 33 states. A powerful theme emerged: couples who had experienced failed marriages often realized that something was missing in their first union—a spiritual center. Many entered their second marriages with greater intentionality, frequently following a personal spiritual transformation.
That was the case for Luís Novaes, a business and finance manager living in New York City. He said his first marriage was based on lust and external expectations, which ended in heartbreak and personal crisis. “I cried out to God many times,” he recalled. “I desperately searched for a way out.” Ultimately, that search led him to spiritual practice, self-reflection, and a deep desire for a different kind of love—one built on shared faith and mutual spiritual growth.
When he remarried, his focus shifted entirely. “From the beginning,” he said, “our marriage was based on devotion and understanding. It was rooted in spiritual values, not fleeting attraction.” That shift didn’t eliminate conflict, but it provided the couple with a framework for navigating it gracefully.
Growth Through Adversity and Shared Meaning
The strength of spiritually grounded couples often reveals itself not in moments of peace but in times of crisis. Dollahite has pointed out that spiritually engaged couples have a deeper well of resources to draw from when life gets hard. Whether facing illness, financial strain, or emotional disconnection, they are more likely to turn toward each other—and upward—rather than away.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, for example, families that maintained or increased spiritual practices reported higher levels of closeness and resilience, according to a 2023 study published in Marriage & Family Review. This finding reflects a broader truth about post-traumatic growth: when hardship is framed through a spiritual lens, it becomes an opportunity for transformation.
Spirituality doesn’t erase pain—but it provides purpose. It invites couples to grow through adversity rather than be broken by it.
A Higher Orientation: Love as a Triangle
Dollahite uses the image of a triangle to describe spiritually grounded relationships. At each bottom corner stands the husband and wife. At the top is a shared connection with the divine. As each person grows closer to the top—through prayer, practice, or reflection—they also grow closer to each other.
This metaphor isn’t just poetic—it’s profoundly practical. A couple that orients their relationship upward tends to be more united in their values, clearer in their purpose, and more anchored during life’s storms. Love becomes not just a feeling but a path.
Reclaiming Love from the Inside Out
The truth is, spiritual love often appears quieter than its Hollywood counterpart. It doesn’t always come with fireworks or grand gestures; it’s steady, enduring, and built over time. It reveals itself in forgiveness, in service, and in the willingness to see the best in each other, even when times are tough.
And yet, it might be the most revolutionary kind of love in our culture today.
Spiritual love isn’t about perfection or religiosity. It’s about presence. It’s about being there for one another with reverence. It’s about creating something sacred in a world that tells us everything is temporary.
As a culture, we are beginning to awaken to this truth. Beneath the noise of instant gratification, many are starting to ask deeper questions: What do I want to build with another human being? What values do we share? Do we see love as a divine opportunity to grow, to heal, to serve?
The answers to those questions might not come easily, but they are worth pursuing. When two people choose to love not just with their hearts, but with their souls—when they see their bond as sacred, not transactional—something beautiful happens.
Love is a place of transformation. And in that space, the kind of lasting connection we all long for isn’t just possible. It becomes inevitable.